The Game that found the Boy in me
It’s funny how sometimes a video game can say things your heart has been trying to. I recently completed The Last of Us Part I on my PS 4, and ever since then, Joel and Ellie haven’t left my head. Or heart.
I’ve spoken about them to almost everyone I meet. It’s become my way of remembering something I had unknowingly left behind, my childhood, and the boy who loved stories more than anything.
I grew up with playing video games. From Mario and Contra to Age of Empires and Hitman, from Zoo Tycoon to Rollercoaster Tycoon, games were how I learned to imagine, build, win, lose, and connect. Even vacations at my grandmother’s house were never complete without long gaming marathons with cousins. That's how we bonded. That was my childhood.
Recently, I bought a PS4. Not to keep up with trends, but to spend more time with myself. To pause. To play. And somewhere along the way, I met Joel and Ellie (characters of Lost of Us).
Their world is broken. It's dark, haunting, cruel. But inside all that chaos is a relationship so real, it cut through me. Joel doesn’t say much. Ellie talks a lot. But somehow, they balance each other. They fight, they survive, they break, and they find joy in the smallest of things. Their love is never spoken. It’s just there. Rough. Unpolished. But true.
Maybe that’s why I connected so deeply with Joel. I’m also that kind of person who is very, very, very less expressive. I struggle to show emotions. I find it hard to say things out loud, even if I feel them deeply. And watching Joel fumble, protect, hurt, and love silently, it felt like watching a piece of myself onscreen.
There’s one moment that undid me. Towards the end of the game, Joel finds out Ellie has to die to save the world. She’s immune to the apocalypse. Her death could be humanity’s cure. But Joel can’t do it. He saves her instead. He lies to her about it. He chooses one person over the world.
That shook me.
Not because it’s the “right” thing to do. But because it was real. Honest. Flawed. Human.
“You keep finding something to fight for.” – Joel
That line. That one line. It made me stop. Because maybe, in a way, that’s what I have been doing for the rest of my life. Something to fight for. Something to remind me that feeling scared, excited, angry, or deeply moved is a good thing.
Every time I play, I feel like a kid again. Startled, thrilled, curious. I scream, laugh, rage, and care. It’s hard to describe the experience. But in that digital world, I found parts of myself I didn’t know I had lost.
Joel and Ellie helped me relive my inner child. Helped me make peace with the boy who loved stories but didn’t know how to speak them out loud. And sometimes, I think being with some people, fictional or not, can do just that. They don’t change your life. They just help you remember who you are.
If you’ve ever played The Last of Us, or any game that made you feel something real, I’d love to hear your story. And if not, maybe it’s time you picked up that controller again.
Until next time,
Sudharsan
Felt good reading this♥️